I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Send help, water and tortillas.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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