I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
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there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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