there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
