My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
