i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
