i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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