Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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