THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
