Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
