Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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