No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
