this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
