I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
