Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
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he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize