as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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