Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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