so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
