I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
