I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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