What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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