I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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