i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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