does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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