Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
