Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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