Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
