i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
