There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
