Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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