there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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