I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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