you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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