i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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