Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
