Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
