it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
