this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
