you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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