can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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