im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
