My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm too high and old for this...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
