I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
