i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
