i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
