Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
