Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
