my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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