My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
