Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
