Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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