I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
