Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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