Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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