i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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