Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
