You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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