Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
