just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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