Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
