When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
