cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just had sex on a roof
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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