I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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