All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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