Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
