I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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