I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
