I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
