she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
