apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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